The long weekend

HELLO MONDAY

I woke up in denial that today is Monday. Maybe I was too tired and felt like I have worked for the entire week. Yesterday, while on the way home, suddenly I was filled with sadness. Like legit sadness. Started to ask myself questions like what am I doing all these for, what is up next, what do I need to do etc etc — and I know when things come to this state, all I need is a time of solitude. Yet to find time for that, and I better do it so quickly otherwise I would not be refreshed… Ya, solitude as in — no second or third man’s opinion, just God and I, You and I.

Anyway I really want to blog about Friday’s trip to IKEA with Laurence. It has been awhile since I just go out and have fun. Though initially we went out because I needed to head down to the tailors to order some shirts… But afterwards we the kids got hungry and was wondering where to go, till we realised that oooo we can head to IKEA!!

Laurence was really nice, he asked if I had enough money for dinner and if really cannot, just “go eat the hotdogs la nvm”. :’) Though I had more than enough, but I needed to save. But I thought, hey since it’s just once in a while, and I hardly spend time with Laurence like that, and he hardly goes out, let me give him a treat! And I honestly enjoyed the time spent with him.

Look at Mr Laurence Goh helping me to take my favourite cake teehee :’)

Not the best shot of him but LOL, the amount of food we took. While we were queueing he kept discussing with me what to take. And he told me that he really likes the IKEA restaurant. Me: “why? is it because it feels like home?” Laurence: “ya” #customerevaluation

After the heavy dinner we walked around and omg he started to read aloud those Swedish (are they even Swedish??) names of the furnitures :’D Ok la, I did video some down but Laurence was too shy.

Restlessness.

Wao I think on Sunday night, suddenly I was overwhelmed with many thoughts. Simply because there were many decision making to do. Especially with Easter coming up thinking of who to ask (and involved a lot of courage and obedience), to thinking about what is up for summer break. Then I had this sudden surge to look through my calendar and plan for LG ahead. So cool, because He helped me to see pockets of time where we can begin to grow some people, opportunities for people to serve etc. I really hope I can continue this way, seeing opportunities and be daring to do it. Rather than “hoping for things to happen”.

On the other hand, I feel like God is telling me to “undo”. It’s a very personal word. Like there will come a time when everything else is taken away from me just so that I know that I just need Jesus alone.

Undo, not redo. (letting go, not finding other things in place of the things you have let go of) Unlearn. (during Saturday’s worship, God reminded me that I need to let go of the familiar things – experiences, encounters, feelings) I am thankful that at least I am reminded of “kainos” in my own personal way, and am looking forward to what is ahead. Will need to take conscious step in making sure that I don’t rely on my personal experiences!!

 

Conversations

Today’s LGLM was pretty good, than usual. I really think it’s because of heart attitude. Prior to today’s session, I was always rushing out of the house because I woke up late and gahhh having guilty thoughts etc. So today, I learnt the #perksofwakingupearly to prepare. Yeah, I even had the time to have breakfast with my parents, then do my QT while on the way to LGLM. Reached LGLM on time too, may I continue to be on time for any other things too!

After LGLM, we had our late lunch and was very heartened to listen to the various stories (and also during LGLM, the many stories of breakthroughs in the ministry etc. Very much reminded that hey, it’s not a SMU thing but those individual breakthroughs are for the Kingdom’s cause.) After lunch also, Terence and I went to LASALLE/ Sim Lim ’cause here I am, wanting to do my work but end up blogging these important moments down, while he needed to run some errands for his dad.

It was really a fruitful conversation and honestly, I think it’s not because we are both “spiritual” people therefore we are able to hold such a conversations. But it was because we realised how bad we are before knowing God, then even when we knew God, there were some struggles we are facing right now that is only possible because God is in us. One point that he mentioned which was quite a epiphany for me was — we can realise that we are struggling because only then we know that the Holy Spirit is living in us, that we are able to struggle through this powerfully with Him. Which is true, the ability to seek God, the ability to struggle, the “wrestling” comes from God. Just like how Jacob and God wrestled, it was only possible because of Him.

Ya, then we shared a couple of things like:

1    We don’t talk about rewards much in Church

Yeah, like what PJ was sharing yesterday in his last point, he mentioned we seldom talk about rewards in church. But yesterday’s message was more relevant to the overseers/ overseers to-be. But then even in our walk with God, why are we still in this faith today? I am a 7 year old believer now, why am I still here today? What is next for me? It’s not just a 7 years, 10 years, 50 years kind of thing, but what is my end goal? To see the face of Jesus. It’s not a scientific pursuit either, to debunk the myth of the image of God, but to come home and hear Him say “good and faithful servant”. And to receive that crown as mentioned in 1 Corinthians 9:25. That crown is for any believers though, but we don’t know.. We always think only the spiritual giants would get it, maybe for me – a plastic tiara? HAHA. But I think, the idea of “spiritual giant” will continue to evolve because even as we rise up in the leadership structure in church, there will always be someone who is greater than me (but not greater than God definitely.)

Simply because of the lack of mentioning the eternal rewards right, I think we have the false perception that our end goal as Christian is to start another church, leave Singapore and fly to Africa to preach the gospel, start another rally BUT dannnng no way. God has intended for every single one of us to take the road less traveled, or rather, the road that has never been taken but could only be taken by you. :’)

 

2   Revelation > Explanation

We were sharing how we have been teaching a lot lately and probably it has come a time where we need to help our people to seek God on their own. It’s okay if we don’t feed them awhile, create that spiritual hunger on its own, according to one’s level of maturity. And ya, it came to revelation is much needed than explanation. And the analogy that the HS gave was like a boyfriend who left his girlfriend without explanation. No matter how many times the girlfriend tries to talk things out or to want to know why he left her, she will never get the answer that truly satisfies her (because of hurt?) But the GF would have then realised or caught the revelation that this is just not the guy for her. Revelation would be more important than explanation then. Revelation cuts right through the heart and mind, while explanation often tends to the mind only.

Wonder!

MLG may have just ended but it is the beginning of a new path! Brought Marco to MLG today, was seriously a random thought as I was getting determined to bring a friend for this event man. Otherwise won’t it be such a waste to just hold an event and that’s it??

So yes, indeed he really came for the event and was very proactive and participating in the events. During dinner, Ryan stayed on awhile to talk to Marco. I only joined in the conversation halfway through and Ryan just sensed that God wants to let Marco know that “God loves you”. Later on Beatrice joined us and also received the same words — “God loves you”. Marco knew all these things but he just “don’t know why” he couldn’t cross the line of faith. It was probably due to what he shared, like the older we get, the more we know and the more we tend to stray apart from these airy fairy things especially religion.

But Ryan brought up a very good point in terms of principles. What is the underlying basis for the morals and principles you stand for? What governs you when you commit, when you act, when you think, when you react? Or thinking even deeper, when you become a father/ mother, what is next for you?

I think when we begin to realise that there is a higher Transcendence above us, there is no longer a need for these mindless chasing after the things of this world for we will only tire ourselves even more. Eventually, we will be the ones who lose the most as we might lose even ourselves.

Anyway, I am so glad that Marco agreed to this 3 months challenge to try out church. We prayed for him and will follow up on him! Honestly it has been such a long time since I brought people to church (yes, underneath the skies, outside SMU is still “church”.) and I am so glad that God used my doubt, my fear and my insecurities for His glory. There is no harm, nor anyone is on the losing end I believe. Thank God for both Ryan and Beatrice too, for coming in to speak with Marco. :’) I hope he finds wholeness in Jesus soon.

Anyway I am really proud of my LG today:

• Wutong serving in the MLG comms team: editing videos, doing up all the invites and being our photographer today, had to be away from the LG 😥 But so proud to see her using her skills for His kingdom.
• Yukee who was serving in the programmes team – I am sure the others have role-modeled for her how anyone can serve and serve with their best. I believe she gave her best too.
• Hanwen, omg we were playing this Harry Potter game which everyone has a “life” to keep or lose. Shixin found us when we were guarding the Hocrux and she took Hanwen’s life first, then Hanwen kept protecting me *omg xiaotouched* hurhur 😥
• Jayce, initiated to multiply the leftover Tau Huay we had from the event. The others (HW, Aaron, Wu Tong, Yukee, Chloe) followed him to LASALLE to bless those who were still mugging… :’)

 

God, I am so proud of them, how much more proud are You and can’t imagine the grin on your face! :’o

Easter to me

Last week, I was thinking about what is the meaning of Easter to me. What does it personally means to me? Because every year we get Good Friday offs so that particular Friday is really good because we are freeeee (then now I know that I am a spiritually free too, ’cause Jesus paid the price right?) Then I was reminded of this particular scene from Passion of Christ:

Before the crowd of Israelites, Pontius Pilate asked them who shall he release – Jesus or Barabbas?

And the crowd kept shouting for Barabbas! Barabbas!

 

I could imagine that this is how much the world would want us. How much the Devil will want us to choose the second best. Or choose the anti-Christ. This is just how much the world would want our souls — to slog our guts out and be caught up with being better than others, our ambitions and everything else that blinds us from the Light.

That Barabbas was me. I should have been the one going to the Cross, paying for my sins and getting what I truly deserved. But no, the world didn’t save me even though they called for my name. But it was Jesus who went to the Cross and took my place. That is something, that was love! Not the mere act of it, but the thought behind it, the One who was behind this all. 😥

Yesterday, Wenxin and I decided to stay back in school awhile to wait for time to pass by as we were heading somewhere else at 7pm. We were at the library, then got hungry so we went to grab early dinner. Then we worshipped with GarageBand app on the Frass (haha it was fun) and decided to spontaneously open a room to dance & worship after we got our bags. So we danced and sang our hearts out *Dang Wenxin got secret talent in dance man* till we got tired and sat down. We just let Youtube ran on its own and it got to this song “We Are The Reason” — it was a video that we wanted to skip “cause I don’t know this song ley”. But somehow we just left it, and it came to this image, the exact same image as the one I had and gosh, tears just kept rolling out and *BAM* I felt it Lord, I felt the weight. Just so overwhelmed + I haven’t cried for such a long time probably because my heart has been pretty jaded towards the “encounter of God”.

But thank You, for using little moments like this to touch me God.

We Are The Reason

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3)

While I am still alive, here in this world, use me Lord!